At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
