After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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