Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
