That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Randomize
