that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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