I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
