dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
