I want to make a zoo with you.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
