Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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