Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Randomize
