If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
only you would photoshop your dick
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
