my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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