My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
