i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
