I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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