this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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