yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
