Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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