I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
