I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
