You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
