I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
