Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
they're like a gay fantastic four
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
