Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
