Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
