Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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