That's intense
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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