Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
