That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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