There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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