i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
