You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
