My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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