Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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