We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
