You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
