There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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