I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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