apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
