Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
