I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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