i jhust puked up my retainher.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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