why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
