Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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