his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
