when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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