so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
