It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
