Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
