I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
