Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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