I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
